


Burying The Hatchet

by GailCregg



Category: NCIS
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 05:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20420552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GailCregg/pseuds/GailCregg
Summary: A quiet few days lead to a prank war between Tony and Ziva. Also a malapropism or two.





	1. McGee's Advice

Since the successful conclusion to their last case it had been a quiet few days for the team. As there had been no murdered Marines, pilfering petty officers, corrupt commanders or even any full-of-themselves F.B.I. agents to deal with Ziva and Tony's prank war that had begun during the stakeout had continued unabated. Fortunately a new case had come in and as McGee exits the elevator and crosses the squad room he has a spring in his step and a smile on his face. Surely now his two colleagues would have to take a break from the pranks he thinks as he sits at his desk. At this moment Ziva emerges from under hers and places a small torch upon it.

"Morning McGee."

"Morning Ziva." She wheels her desk chair out into the bullpen and kneels to examine it.

"What are you doing?"

"I am checking that Tony has not booty-trapped it."

"You mean booby-trapped it".

"What do boobs have to do with traps?"

"I ask myself that question every day Officer David. I think the answer is that they are man traps." DiNozzo grins as he joins them. 

"Why are you talking about breasts probie?"

"I wasn't! Now we've got a case isn't it time you and Tony buried the hatchet Ziva?"

Ziva is still concentrating on studying the chair so the only words that register on her consciousness are Tony, buried and hatchet.

"Have you found the murder weapon Tony?"

"Huh? No."

"Then what is McGee talking about?"

"I'm trying to say that you should bury the hatchet. That is..."

"In Tony's skull" Ziva interrupts with a glimmer of merriment in her eyes. Hoping that she is joking but not at all sure that she is McGee hurriedly continues.

"It's an expression Ziva. It means to reconcile after a quarrel."

"But he started it."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Stop!" Abby enters the bullpen and the conversation. "We're all so over it. Will you two just make up already."

Ziva gasps and looks horrified. "Tony is not unattractive but he is my colleague, my partner and I would not do that with him if he were the last man on earth" she stammers to a halt as she realises the other three are trying very hard not to burst out laughing. "What!"

McGee bravely attempts to explain "I think you are confusing to make up with to make out. To make up is the same as bury the hatchet. In other words to end the quarrel."

"I will not do _that_ either."

As she pushes her chair back behind her desk Tim sighs. Unless there was a breakthrough in the case soon it was going to be a _very_ long day.


	2. Making Up

Abby's Lab. A few days later. McGee is pacing the floor while Abby works.

"I don't know how much longer I can take this Abby."

"They can't still be at it. Surely there's a limit to the number of pranks they know and what about working on the case?"

"Somehow they're managing to do both and Gibbs hasn't realized. Or at least he hasn't said anything. You know Tony's really just a big kid at heart and the number of things Ziva can do with mere stationery is mind blowing."

"Hmm. Isn't there anything you can do?"

"Ducky suggested there are underlying issues between them and this is a manifestation of that so short of hiding all the office supplies...I don't see what I can do."

"I could kill them and leave no forensic traces" Abby suggests with a gleam in her eyes.

Tim looks hopeful for a moment. "No. I think that is a bit too extreme." Their musings are interrupted by the ringing of Tim's phone. "McGee."

"Get up to the squad room now probie! Oh and bring Abby. We've a situation here and we might need her." DiNozzo hangs up.

"Tony wants us upstairs now."

"I wonder why."

NCIS Squad Room.

McGee and Abby rush into the bullpen to find Tony and Ziva staring at each other.

"What's going on?"

"Use your eyes probie!"

"Huh?"

"Oh my God! You guys are in so much trouble."

"Thanks for your support Abby."

"How did this happen?" queries Tim who has followed Abby's gaze and realized what the problem is.

"As much as it pains me to say it probie one, you were right."

"Can I have that in writing?" Tony glares at him.

"Ziva and I should have buried the hatchet. We were wrestling and you can see what happened. Abby is there some way you can fix this?"

"Some chemicals might work and then if I used my scanner.." Abby muses. "Don't know if I can do it before the Boss gets back though."

"Do what before I get back Abs?" As usual Gibbs has appeared behind them before anyone noticed.

"Ah...nothing Boss."

"Abs!"

"Ask them. Come on McGee we have to...ah...upgrade...that is...reinstall.." Abby grabs McGee's hand and pulls him out of the bullpen.

"DiNozzo, David what is going on here?"

"Well she.." "Tony.." "On the stakeout.." "Then Ziva.." "And I.."

Gibbs sticks two fingers in his mouth and lets out a sharp whistle. "Heh."

They step aside so he can see the mess of spilled coffee that is slowly spreading across the files on his desk.

"Abby thinks she can fix it" Tony starts tentatively.

"And that makes it O.K. DiNozzo?"

"Yes." Gibbs glares.

"No." Tony tries and fails to look contrite.

"Look. I understand you two have been blowing off steam with these pranks and I've been prepared to let it go as it's not been interfering with your work. I've endured flicked items ending up in my coffee, things going mysteriously missing, furniture, computers and phones that have been interfered with and the lack of stationery but this really is the straw that broke the camel's back. You will bury the hatchet now. That is an order."

"Yes Boss."

"Yes Boss."

"Right I'm on my way up to see the Director. Clean this up and then get back to work." Gibbs gives them each a head slap then walks up the stairs. They begin to tidy up his desk.

"Tony?"

"Yes?"

"What does any of this have to do with camels or straws?"

Tony rolls his eyes. She might be a trained assassin and becoming quite a skilled investigator but some things Ziva would just never get.


	3. Conference Room

NCIS Squad Room. Late evening. Several weeks later.

Staring at her computer screen Ziva David finds her mind starting to wander again to the question that she has been puzzling over on and off for the past few weeks. What on earth could straws or as Abby would say thin polystyrene tubes have to do with camels? Then raised voices from across the room interrupt her thoughts.

"It was not me Tony. You had it last."  
"No.I distinctly remember you had it."  
"Did not."  
"Did too."  
"What are you two arguing about?"  
"That file we couldn't find this morning. Probie here is claiming I had it last." Tony glares at McGee.  
"But didn't you find that file?"  
"Yes we did Ziva but that is not the point."  
"Then what is the point Tony?"  
"The point is that it was not me who misfiled it. It was not my mistake."  
"Well Tony it was not mine either." McGee glares at Tony.  
"Would you like my advice?"  
"No" they respond simultaneously.  
"I think that since the file was found it does not matter who misfiled it and you two should make up; should bury the hatchet as it were." The guys stare at her in amazement that she has used the expressions correctly.  
"What?"  
"Congratulations Ms Malaprop that was perfect. Come on probie it's time to bite the bullet and get this over with." Tony and McGee begin to gather their gear.  
"Where are you going?  
"Have to check out some information at the Records Center in Norfolk but it's from so long ago we have to go down in person to manually search through the files. We're heading out tonight so we can get on it first thing in the morning."  
"Good luck." As they leave the conversation resumes.  
"It's my turn to drive."  
"No, it isn't."  
"Yes, it is."  
Ziva returns to her work.

NCIS Elevator. A sort time later.

Ziva steps into the elevator and smiles upon seeing it's occupant is alone.  
"Good evening Director Shepard. Are you heading home?"  
"Yes."  
Ziva flicks the emergency stop switch.  
"I think you've been spending too much time with Gibbs. I do have an office you know."  
"I wanted to speak to you in private" responds Ziva looking uncharacteristically nervous.  
"I have a small problem and I need your help."  
"Ziva what is it you've done?"  
"I... that is...it is like this..." she stutters.  
"Have you had _another_ accident in an NCIS car?"  
"No and that last one was not my fault."  
"I know. Have you used up all the stationery torturing suspects or your colleagues?"  
Ziva gives a small smile. "I am afraid it is much more serious than that Director."  
Jenny thinks a moment then gasps "Have you finally given in to the urge to kill DiNozzo?"  
Of course if Ziva had done so she would do all she could to support her after all she had saved her life in Cairo but the paperwork...oh the paperwork would be horrendous.

"No, although I won't deny I have been tempted and the problem is related to him. Today he said congratulations Ms Malaprop and then he said something to McGee about biting bullets. I do not understand Jenny. Was it an insult? That would not surprise me coming from him. And why would anyone want to bite a bullet? Is it a way to tell something about it? Like type or if it's been used or not? Or is it about taking a bullet for someone else? And why would Tony or McGee have to? Is Gibbs in trouble again?"

Smiling at her friend and trying not to laugh Jenny attempts to explain.  
"Biting the bullet just means to finally undertake an unpleasant task and far from insulting you Officer David DiNozzo was complimenting you."  
"He was?" Ziva asks the doubt in her mind evident in her voice.  
"Yes. A malapropism is a comical confusion of words and if he was congratulating you I'm guessing you used an expression correctly."  
"Two actually. Making up and burying the hatchet." Ziva smiles proudly.  
"Well done Officer David." Jenny flicks the emergency switch and elevator moves. The doors open and she steps out calling back over her shoulder as she does so "Goodnight Ziva."  
"Goodnight Jen."  
As Ziva steps from the elevator she is smiling. Tony had actually paid her a compliment, she had used two expressions correctly and learnt the meaning of a third. This had been a good day in her attempt to learn American idioms. Now if she could only figure out that whole camels and straws thing...


End file.
